Latest Jokes

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.

"Yes?"

"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15."

The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"

"8:25!"

The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep.He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

"Sir, sir? It's 8:45!"

Five year old Frankie's parents bought him some new shoes. It had been raining so they told Frankie, "You can't walk in mud puddles with your new shoes."

Frankie went outside as his parents watched from the window. The first thing Frankie did was go to the nearest mud puddle and began to stop his feet in the muddy water.

With the biggest smile on his face Frankie ran back into the house and announced his shoes work just fine in mud puddles.

A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers.

When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?"

The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid in full."

The company got a new number the next day.

A buddy of mine has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl. Box seats, plus airfares, accommodations, etc. But he didn't realize when he bought them that this is going to be on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go.

If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church in New York City at 5pm. Her name's Louise. She will be the one in the white dress.

Thanks for your help!