Latest Jokes

On social media I posted, “If anyone mentions Christmas before Thanksgiving, I'm going to delete them!”

The next day, I didn’t have any friends.

I try not to think about this too much, but somewhere out there, flying the friendly skies, is the world's WORST pilot.

How do you fix a broken tomato?

With tomato paste!

A rather scruffy-looking man came into a bank. Reaching the head of the line, he said to the teller, "I wanna open a damn checking account."

"Certainly, sir," answered the teller, "but there's no need to use that kind of language."

"Could you move it along man? I just wanna open a damn checking account," growled the would-be customer.

"I'll be glad to be of service, sir," said the teller, flushing slightly, "but I would appreciate not being spoken to in that way."

"What the hell? Just let me open a damn checking account, okay?"

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to speak to the branch manager," said the annoyed teller, slipping off his stool and returning shortly with a woman who asked how she could be of service.

"Hell, I just won the TEN MILLION DOLLAR lottery," snarled the man, "and all I wanna do is open a damn checking account."

"I see," said the manager sympathetically. "And this MORON is giving you trouble?"