Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke Two engineering students meet on campus one day. The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey -- Nice bike! Where did you get it?"
"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on
this bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!'"
"Good choice," says the first, "her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyways."
A minister parked his car in a no parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."
A Christian family was at a pet store when the owner suggested that they get a Bible Dog.
Family: Bible Dog?
Owner: Watch. Bible Dog pray! (Bible Dog starts praying.)
Owner: Bible Dog read! (Bible Dog starts reading scripture.)
Family: We'll take him.
One week later the family hosts a party. The family shows off the Bible Dog by doing the same tricks that the owner showed them. One of the guests say that's fine, but can he do normal tricks.
Family: Bible Dog sit! (Nothing happens.)
Family: Bible Dog come! (Nothing happens.)
Family: Bible Dog heel!
Bible Dog stands on his two feet and lays a hand on one of the family's head and says, "You've been saved!!!"
A man walks into a bar, sits down next to a beautiful woman and says, " Hi I'm Dave".
She looks at him and says, "I know Dave, we went to high school together".
He says, "I would have remembered you from high school."
She says, "Dave, it's me Richard. I'm a woman now."
Dave looks at her in disbelief, "Wow, well they did a good job! Did it hurt when they gave you those breast?"
"No, they just gave me some pills to make them grow bigger."
"Well did it hurt when they uh, you know, down there?"
"No, its a pretty routine surgery now, just had a little discomfort. I have to tell you the worst pain with the whole thing is when they stuck a vacuum in my ear and sucked out half of my brain."
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