Little Johnny was left to fix lunch.
When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea. The two women then sipped their tea happily while having lunch.
"Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" Johnny's mother asked.
"I couldn't find it Ma, so I used the fly swatter," he replied.
His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added: "Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!"
A girlfriend calls her boyfriend over and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a neat jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The girlfriend says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling the tiger on that box.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax, and then…..” he sighed, “lets put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued by this she asked, "How can you tell?"
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."