Latest Jokes
Favorite this joke Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels. His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital. Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor.
“MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?” The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?”
“MAGGIE!” Brian screamed on the top of his lungs, “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN DOCTOR!”
“And is this her first child?” questioned the doctor.
“NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”
Burns: Do you like to love?
Allen: No.
Burns: Like to kiss?
Allen: No.
Burns: What do you like?
Allen: Lamb chops.
Burns: Lamb chops. Could you eat two big lamb chops alone?
Allen: Alone? Oh, no, not alone. With potatoes I could.
Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Little Johnny always takes the nickel.
One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than the nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"
Johnny answers, "Well if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"
Patient: "My problem is too much sleeping. I fall asleep as soon as I enter a bus."
Doctor: "So what? It is not at all a problem to sleep in a bus."
Patient: "But who is going to drive it if I'm asleep?"
Free Daily Joke