Latest Jokes

What do you call a cow that had a baby?

Decaffeinated!

My wife and I went on vacation to a fishing resort. I liked to fish at the crack of dawn. My wife liked to read. One morning I returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. Although my wife wasn't familiar with the lake, she decided to take the boat and enjoy the beautiful morning on the water. So she took the boat out a short distance, anchored, and returned to reading her book. Along came the sheriff in his boat. He pulled up alongside my wife and said, “Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?”

“Reading my book,” my wife replied, “Isn't it obvious?”

“You're in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.

“But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape,” snapped my irate wife.

“But, I haven't even touched you,” groused the sheriff.

“Yes, that's true,” she replied with a slight smile, “But you do have all the equipment.”

MORAL: Never argue with a redhead.

Yo momma so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food!

Husband takes the wife to a disco. There’s a guy on the dance floor break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Husband says, "Looks like he’s still celebrating!"