Latest Jokes

Daughter: " I don't like the boy you found for me... his teeth are not in order and he looks ugly when he smiles."

Mother: "Don't worry about that. He will not be smiling after he marries you."

A priest asked a group of fourth graders in a religious class, "How many of you would like to go to heaven?"

All raised their hands except Johnny. The priest asked Johnny why he didn't want to go to heaven.

Johnny said, "I do, but I thought you wanted to go right now."

A young couple got married and went on a cruise for their honeymoon.
When they got back home the bride immediately called her mom,
who lived three hours away.

"Well, darling," said her Mom, "How was your honeymoon?"

"It was wonderful, and so romantic. We had a great time," began the bride,
"but as soon as we got home he started using really horrible language. Words
I have never heard before. Really horrible four-letter words!
You've got to come get me...PLEASE."
Then the bride began to sob over the phone and begged, "PLEASE mom, come get me!"

"But honey what did he say, what 4-letter words, you have to tell me what's troubling
you," said her mom.

Still sobbing the bride said to her mother..."Words like....DUST, IRON, COOK, WASH!"

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on.

The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures he can't outrun the cop and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back to me!"