Latest Jokes

There's a Labrador by my front door shouting 'Buy!' and 'Sell!' into a mobile phone...

I'm sick of dogs doing their business outside my house.

What is a Pessimist?

The real world dictionary defines a 'pessimist' as an optimist with no experience.

What do you call an eagle who can play the piano?

Talonted!

A little three-year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.

His mother says: "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while.

Billy says: "I'm fine, mommy... just haven't gone 'doody' yet."

Mother says: "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes. But Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"

Billy says: "Works for ketchup!"