Latest Jokes

Sergeant: Private, I think the enemy soldiers are hiding in the wood. I want you to go in there and flush them out for us.
Private: Okay, sir, but if you see a bunch of guys running out the woods, don’t shoot the one in front.

A young guy walks into a post office and sees a middle–aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and sprays scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the best of him, the guy goes up to the man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I’m sending out a thousand Valentine cards signed, “Guess who?”
“But why?” Asked the young guy.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the bald man replied.

A Policeman stops a speeding car and tells the woman driver, "When I saw you driving down the road, I thought to myself, 'sixty-five at least.'”

"SIXTY-FIVE!" shrieked the woman.

"Yes, sixty-five."

"I don’t think that is quite fair. I think this hat makes me look older."

Heaven is a place where:
The lovers are Italian
The cooks are French
The mechanics are German
The police are English, and
The government is run by the Swiss