Latest Jokes

Pilot: Have you ever flown in a small plane before?
Passenger: No, I have not.
Pilot: Well, here is some chewing gum. It will help to keep your ears from popping.
Pilot (after the plane landed): Did the gum help?
Passenger: Yep. It worked fine. The only trouble is I can’t get the gum out of my ears.

Patient: Oh, doctor, I have terrible troubles. I do hope that you can help me
Psychiatrist: Now calm down. Just lie down on the couch and tell me all about your troubles.
Patient: Well, doctor, I have a duplex penthouse apartment in New York and a summer house on the beach at the Hampton. I drive a Rolls-Royce, and my wife drives a Jaguar. My two boys go to the best private school in the city. We belong to three very swanky clubs, and every year I manage to spend a month in Europe.
Psychiatrist: These things are very wonderful, but let’s get down to your basic problem.
Patient: I was just getting to it, doctor. You see, I only make $100 a week!

Student: I would love for you to teach me a foreign language.
Teacher: Certainly. French, German, Russian, Italian, Spanish?
Student: Oh, which is the most foreign?

Teacher: What are the four main food groups?
Students: Canned, frozen, instant, and lite.