When I worked in the post office, a lady barged in and started complaining that she’d got home to find a note from the postman – he’d tried to deliver a package but nobody was in.
“My husband was home all day!” she fumed.
After I gave her the package, she said, “Oh, I’m so excited – it’s my husband’s new hearing aid!”
"What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another.
"I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor.
"To make your last will?"
"No, to make a list of the people I want to bite."