Latest Jokes

A lawyer's dog is having a great time running around the neighborhood unleashed — it heads directly to the butcher shop and pilfers a roast. 

The butcher heads over to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer replies, "Absolutely," and the butcher informs him that he owes him $18.50 because his unleashed dog just stole a roast from his shop. Speechless, the lawyer, goes on to write the butcher a check for the damages. 

A few days later, the butcher checks his mailbox and discovers an envelope from the lawyer. Inside the envelope is an invoice that read: "$75 due for a consultation."

A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class. On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella.

The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green. Little Johnny, the class rebel, colored the duck in a bright fire-truck red.

After seeing this, the teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how many times have you seen a red duck?"

Little Johnny replied, "The same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."

All my life I thought air was free…

Until I bought a bag of chips.

He who drinks a fifth on the fourth...

May not be able to go forth on the fifth!