A man walked into a restaurant in a strange town. The waiter came and asked him for his order. Feeling lonely, he replied, "Meat loaf and a kind word."
When the waiter returned with the meat loaf, the man said, "Where's the kind word?"
The waiter put down the meat loaf and sighed, bent down, and whispered, "Don't eat the meat loaf."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us."
A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water. Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, he heaves his golf clubs into the water and begins to walk off the course.
Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs. When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course.
Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"
And he said, "I had to, I left my car keys in the bag."