Husband to stepford wife: "There are times we must save money and make every nickel count!"
Wife: "That's the reason I bought three loaves of bread today."
Husband: "Three loaves of bread? I haven't seen anything in the news where there has been a raise in bread."
Wife: "I don't know anything about the news, but I saw a sign in the window that sure did say it."
Husband: "What did the sign say?"
Wife: "It said: Raisin bread tomorrow."
Two men were adrift in an open boat, and it looked bad for them. Finally one of them, frightened, began to pray.
"O Lord," he prayed, “I've broken most of thy commandments. I've been a hard drinker, but if my life is spared now I'll promise never again...”
"Wait a minute, Jack,” said his friend. “Don't go too far, I think I see a sail!”
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job.
"Look Miss," said the foreman, "do you have any experience in picking lemons?"
"Well ... as a matter of fact, Yes!" she replied. "I've been married and divorced three times."