The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down...

But it was arson.

I hate it when my wife says, "Are you listening to me?!"

Such a random way to start a conversation.

Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it.

Patient: What’s the Cure?

Doctor: It’s an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but let’s try to stay focused...

What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American Literature?

Tequila Mockingbird.