A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "You're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."
The man quickly responds, "The attorney's."
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
A doctor was trying to check an epidemic in a village. Visiting a family, he asked, "Are you taking precautions to prevent spread of contagion?"
"Yes, sir, doctor," replied the head of the family. "We've even bought a sanitary cup and we all drink from it."
I went to the doctors recently. He said, "Don't eat anything fatty."
I said, "What, like bacon and burgers?"
He said, "No, I mean you, Fatty, don't eat anything!"
Why did the librarian go to the chiropractor?
To get her spine fixed!