An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer...
"As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$75.'"
"If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $50.'"
"If his eyes still don't flutter, you add ...'Each.'"
A woman walks into her psychiatrist's office and says, "Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about saying things that don't come out the way we meant them to?"
The psychiatrist replies, "You mean Freudian slips?"
"Exactly, those. Well, I had the most amazing one last night. I was eating dinner with my husband, and I meant to say, 'Honey, could you please pass the salt,' but instead I said, 'You damn fool, you ruined my life.'"