Patient: Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a racehorse.
Doctor: Take one of these pills every 4 laps.
Me: Doctor, Doctor my sister thinks she is a lift!
Doctor: Well tell her to come in.
Me: I cant! She doesn't stop at this floor.
A baseball manager who had an ulcer went to see his doctor for a checkup.
"Remember," the doctor said, "don't get excited, don't get mad, and forget about baseball when you're off the field."
Then he added, "By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in the ninth?"
My Doctor told me to avoid any unnecessary stress...
To comply, I did not open his bill.