doctor jokes

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, you've got to do something about my husband. He thinks he's a refrigerator!"

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," the doctor replies. "Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass."

"But you don't understand," the woman insists. "He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake."

Three psychiatrists who are attending a convention decide to take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our problems. Since we're all professionals, why don't we hear each other out right now?"

They agree that this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I overbill patients as often as I can."

The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me."

The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret."

A man is bragging about his new hearing aid. "It's the best I've ever had," he says. "It cost $3,000."

His friend asks, "What kind is it?"

He says, "Half past four!"