doctor jokes

I was getting ready for a doctor's appointment and remembered how my mother once told me, "An apple a day, keeps the doctor away."

Taking her words to heart I decided to bring an apple. Needless to say, it was shot day, I didn't like needles and was thinking, "There must be some way out of this?"

So without thinking, I threw my apple at the doctor. He hasn't spoken to me since.

My doctor said he's been practicing medicine for 30 years...

What I want to know is when will he start doing it for real?

Patient: Doctor I think I've been bitten by a vampire.

Doctor: Drink this water.

Patient: Will this make me feel better?

Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see leaks and know where the vampire bit you.