A man goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor checks him out thoroughly doing various tests. He then goes back to his table and sits down. "I'm prescribing these pills for you," he says.
Noting the weird name of the prescription, the man asks, "What am I taking now?"
"Oh, I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."
A man went to his doctor to go over his blood work results. As soon as he entered the doctor's office, the doctor said to him, "I just looked at your results. You are lucky that you come to see me early enough..."
The man became very nervous and asked, "What's wrong with my blood work?"
"Oh nothing! Just that I'll be leaving my office early today," replied the doctor.
Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby.
“I can’t leave,” the doctor says. “But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground.”
The guy runs back to his friend, who is in agony. “What did the doctor say?” the victim cries.
“He says you’re gonna die.”