A psychiatrist met an old patient and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive," smiled the ex-patient.
"Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "I was told you'd died by a colleague who's had 22 peer-reviewed papers published, so his opinion's bound to be much more reliable than yours."
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will soon have a nervous breakdown:
1. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
2. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood.
3. For lunch, make him a nutritious meal.
4. For dinner, prepare him something especially nice.
5. Don't burden him with chores as he probably had a hard day.
6. Don't discuss your problems with him.
7. And most importantly, keep him far away from your mother."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her. She replied, "He said you'll soon have a nervous breakdown."