doctor jokes

What seems to be your challenge Mr. Smith?
Well Doc, I’m a compulsive liar.
You’re telling the truth right now aren’t you!
No.

Mr. Smith one of your statements has to be the truth!
Not really!
And why not?
I’m omnipotent

So you have a God complex whereas anything is possible?
No, that’s my name.
Your parents named you omnipotent?!?!
No

Mr. Jones (skeptical voice)
What?
You’re not telling me the truth here!
That’s what I said in the first place Doc.

Yes, you did say that. When did you recognize that you’re a liar?
I’m not a liar.
Yes you are, you’ve been lying to me.
No I didn’t! I think you’re projecting. You’re the liar!

I’m the Doctor and you’re the liar.
I knew this was a waste of my time; I’m leaving! Good luck with your problem Doc!
Well at least you don’t hold grudges!
Yes I do! (As the door closes behind him).

Is it Friday yet?

Guy goes and sees a psychiatrist.

Guy: I tend to over-exaggerate things.

Psychiatrist: How many times does this happen?

Guy: Over a bazillion times.

A man said to his doctor, "Doc, please don't ever give me artificial respiration!"

"Why not?" the Doctor asked.

The man replied, "If you can't give me the real thing, FORGET IT!"

Patient: I keep dreaming about monkeys. Every night, nothing but monkeys, monkeys, monkeys.

Psychiatrist: How does that make you feel?

Patient: If you give me a banana, I'll tell you.