A woman with a minor injury was at the hospital because her doctor said she wanted to take a closer look at it to make sure everything was all right. The woman's husband sits patiently in the waiting room.
After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband.
Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room, this time asking for a screwdriver. The husband grows worried and begins to pace in circles. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer and at that, the husband, in a state of frenzied fear, runs up and asks, "Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife?"
"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my bag open!"
Brian, one of the worlds greatest hypochondriacs, bumped into his Dr. one day at the supermarket. “Doc!” Brian exclaimed, “I’ve been meaning to tell you, remember those voices I kept on hearing in my head? I haven’t heard them in over a week!”
“Wow! What wonderful news Brian! I’m so happy for you!” his Dr. exclaimed.
“Wonderful?” asked a dismal looking Brian. “There’s nothing wonderful about it. I’m afraid my hearing is starting to go now!"
''Doctor, my nose is 11 inches long!"
''Come back when it grows into a foot!"
The phlebotomist entered the hospital room to draw blood. Noticing an apple on the patient's nightstand, she remarked, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
"That's true," the patient replied. "I haven't seen a doctor in three days."