A man said to his doctor, "Doc, please don't ever give me artificial respiration!"
"Why not?" the Doctor asked.
The man replied, "If you can't give me the real thing, FORGET IT!"
Patient: I keep dreaming about monkeys. Every night, nothing but monkeys, monkeys, monkeys.
Psychiatrist: How does that make you feel?
Patient: If you give me a banana, I'll tell you.
I'm really busy next week, I have two back to back appointments with my chiropractor on Wednesday...
I fired him once, but I took him back!
Don't ever tell a Doctor that you have the Bubonic Plague...
They'll look at you like you have the plague or something!