My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
Patient: Doctor, I think I'm suffering from lack of memory.
Doctor: How long have you had this problem?
Patient: What problem is that?
Patient: I have a problem doctor. I feel depressed and unhappy.
Doctor: You should cut down on your drinking.
Patient: I don't drink and have never touched a drop in my life.
Doctor: You should cut down on your smoking.
Patient: I don't smoke either doctor.
Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing.
Patient: Good heavens! I haven't had a girlfriend in my entire life.
Doctor: Your problem is you have no problems! Get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, find a girlfriend or two, and then you will be alright.