Lady (to her doctor): "What l am worried about is my height and not my weight."
Doctor: "How come?"
Lady: "According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches."
Client: "No one ever agrees with me!"
Psychiatrist: "You don’t seem like the disagreeable type!"
Client (raising one eyebrow): “I digress.”
An anesthesiologist has a stock answer to the usual question asked by pre-surgical patients:
“How much will the anesthesia cost?”
“Oh, about $100.00. $1.00 to go to sleep and $99.00 for waking up. Most patients buy the whole package.”
Three elderly men are at the doctor's office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," came the reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"
"Simple," he says, "just subtract 274 from Tuesday."