I know someone who had her face lifted so many times, the doctor ran out of skin, so he took some skin off her right thumb and grafted it onto her nose.
Now, every time she goes hitchhiking, her nose shoves to the right.
A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help.
On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good, either.
On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stands in the draft.
"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia."
"I know," said his physician, "I can cure pneumonia."
Patient: Doctor, whenever I get up after a sleep, I feel dizzy for half an hour, then I'm all right.'
Doctor: Then wait for half an hour before getting up.
My elderly mother was rushed to the hospital following a serious tumble. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.
Unimpressed, Mom said to me, “I’ll have them know I’m a winter, spring, and summer risk too!”