There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might not be able to paint anymore, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so thankful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office. Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall.
When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to showcase her works of art in the doctor's office. During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"
To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself, 'Thank God I'm not a urologist.'"
A woman with a baby walked into a doctor's office. She asked if they could weigh the baby.
A nurse said that the baby scale was not working that day, but what they could do is weigh the mother while she was holding the baby, and then weigh the mother by herself, and subtract.
The woman thought about this for a minute. "It wouldn't work," she said, "I'm not the mother; I'm the aunt."
Three patients at a psychiatric clinic are up for release. The psychiatrist informs them that they will have to pass a simple test. He asks the first patient, "How much is two plus two?"
At which point the doctor calls in the orderly to escort the patient back to his room. Turning to the second patient, he asks, "What is six minus three?"
To which the patient replies, "Square."
Once again the orderly is called in to remove the patient. Turning to the third and last patient, he asks, "How much is five plus five?
The patient answers very confidently, "Ten."
The doctor, amazed, then inquires, "Very good. How did you figure it out?"
The patient reply, "Easy. Blue multiplied by square equals ten."
A lady is at a job interview for a receptionist position.
"I see you used to be employed by a psychologist. Why did you leave?"
"Well, I just couldn't win. If I was late to work, I was hostile. If I was early, I was anxious. And if I was on time, I was obsessional."