Nurse: "How old are you?"
Patient: "None of your business."
Nurse: "But the doctor must know your age for his records. Please, just tell me, I'm going to find it out anyway."
Patient: "Well, first, multiply twenty by two, then add ten. Got that?"
Nurse: "Yes. Fifty."
Patient: "All right, now subtract fifty, and tell me, what do you get?"
Patient: "Right. And that's exactly the chance of me telling you my age."
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes" the mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" he asked.
"Eh, who cares?" she replied.
I went to my Doctor and he suggested I do some exercises. Here is my new regiment...
1. Jump to conclusions
2. Climb the walls
3. Drag my heels
4. Push my luck
5. Make mountains out of molehills
6. Bend over backwards
7. Run in circles
8. Put my foot in my mouth
My therapist thinks I have a preoccupation with vengeance...
We will see about that!