A heart surgeon came to a mechanic to repair his car. The mechanic had a look at the car's engine, opened a valve and fixed it.
The mechanic said, "I repaired the engine which is the heart of the car. You also operate on the hearts of humans, so our jobs are quite similar. So why it you earn more than me?"
The doctor replied, "Can you repair the car when the ignition is on? We can!"
When deer hunting you must sit still and be quiet for long periods of time.
That's why doctors are such good hunters.
They have lots of patients.
Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain.
My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.
I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?"
With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. "I'm dying over here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you."
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."