A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks.
"120," the woman says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 150.
The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"5 feet, 8 inches," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she measures only 5 feet, 5 inches.
She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.
"Of course it's high!" she screams. "When I came in here, I was tall and slender, and now I'm short and fat!"
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"That's great!" says the man. "Because I wasn't able to play it before."
Patient: "I'm having a problem with my eyes. I see something from far but then when I get there, there's nothing. It's gone."
Doctor: "It's a new disease. It's called ASRD syndrome."
Doctor: "It stands for 'Annual Salary Revision Deficiency' syndrome."