Doctor: "I accidentally left my gloves inside your stomach during your operation. We have to operate on you again."
Patient: "Are you kidding me?!?! Tell you what Doc, take this $10 bill and buy a new pair!"
A guy goes to the doctor and after a thorough examination the doc says, "I'm going to put you in an isolation room."
The guy replies, "Will that make me better?"
"No. I am also going to put you on a diet of dry wafer biscuits."
"Will that make me better?"
"No," the doctor replied, "but it's the only food that'll fit under the door."
I have this condition where I eat if I can't sleep...
It's called Insom-nom-nom-nom-nia
Patient: "Doc, I am very stressed out and I am not getting proper sleep at night."
Doctor: "I am giving you some medicines and sleeping pills."
Patient: "Is this going to help?"
Doctor: "Yes, just give it to your wife before going to bed."