doctor jokes

Patient: "I'm having a problem with my eyes. I see something from far but then when I get there, there's nothing. It's gone."

Doctor: "It's a new disease. It's called ASRD syndrome."

Patient: "ASRD?"

Doctor: "It stands for 'Annual Salary Revision Deficiency' syndrome."

A heart surgeon came to a mechanic to repair his car. The mechanic had a look at the car's engine, opened a valve and fixed it.

The mechanic said, "I repaired the engine which is the heart of the car. You also operate on the hearts of humans, so our jobs are quite similar. So why it you earn more than me?"

The doctor replied, "Can you repair the car when the ignition is on? We can!"

Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain.

My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.

I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?"

With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"