A boxer complains to his doctor about insomnia.
Doc: "Have you tried counting sheep?"
Boxer: "Yes, but whenever I get to 9, I stand up."
"What would be the first thing you'd do if you had hydrophobia?" one resident doctor ask another.
"I'd ask for a pencil and paper," replied the other doctor.
"To make your last will?"
"No, to make a list of the people I want to bite."
The doctor took Dan into the room and said, "Dan, I have some good news and some bad news."
Dan said, "Give me the good news first."
"They're going to name a disease after you."
"How is your Aunt Bobbie?" asked a family friend.
"She had her appendix taken out the other day," I informed her.
"Did they give her anything for it?"
"No," I answered, "it wasn't worth anything."