Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy.
"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?"
"Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"
Patient: "Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up... something to get me fired up and put me in a fighting mood. Did you put anything like that in this prescription?"
Doctor: "No, not in the prescription. You'll find that in the bill."