Patient: Doctor, I have a tendency to gain weight in certain places. What would you recommend?
Doctor: Stay out of those places!
Friend 1: Let's go for a movie.
Friend 2: I've got a doctor's appointment today.
Friend 1: Just cancel it, tell him you're sick.
“You need glasses,” the eye doctor said.
“I’m already wearing glasses,” replied the patient.
“In that case,” the doctor said, “I need glasses.”
Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn't home because he was performing an appendectomy.
"My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for such a little girl. Do you know what it means?"
"Sure! Fifteen hundred bucks, and that doesn't even include the anesthesiologist!"