I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics. “How much do you weigh?” she asked.
“135,” I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.
The nurse asked, “Your height?”
“5 foot 4,” I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5 foot 2 inches. She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.
“Of course it’s high!” I screamed. “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”
"I had the strangest dream last night," a man was telling his psychiatrist.
"I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. You can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn't get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come. Then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream?"
The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding, "A Coke? You call that a breakfast?"
My optometrist just told me I had 2020 vision...
I told him I wanted a 2nd opinion!
The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)...
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
"Picabo, ICU..."