Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?"
Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."
Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order."
Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."
A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a very serious problem. I only hear half of everything.”
"That can’t be," answers the doctor. “Either you can hear everything or you hear nothing. Tell you what, Let us see. Repeat after me... Ninety Six.”
The man quickly replies, “Forty eight!”
Two idiots were standing looking at the sun. They were arguing. One said it was the sun while the other one said it was the moon.
A third guy happened to walk by. They asked him, "What is that in the sky?"
The man simply replied, "Sorry, I can't help you. I'm not from this area."