A local veterinarian was known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a woman, who was visiting, brought a dog to him after an encounter with a porcupine.
After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.
"$150 dollars, ma'am," he answered.
"Now that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong with you people, you're always trying to overcharge summer visitors. What do you do in the winter, when there is no one here to overcharge?"
"Raise porcupines, ma'am."
Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children."
St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives."
St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care."
St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But... you can only stay for three days. After that, you got to go!"
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.
They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh and relaxed.
"I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to patients from morning till night on a day like this and still look so spry and unbothered when it's over?"
The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?"