doctor jokes

Category: "Doctor Jokes"
$50.00 won 10 votes

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic.

He said, "Sure, knock yourself out!"

10 votes

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Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
$9.00 won 4 votes

Patient: Doctor, I'm thinking that I may be losing my hearing.

Doctor: Can you tell me what you know of the symptoms?

Patient: Homer is bald and fat, Marge has blue hair...

4 votes

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Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "iqannnylirod" |
3 votes

At a mental health hospital a psychiatrist sets a test to determine the mental progress of his three top patients. He gets three chairs and repaints them. Before they dry, he re-positions them in a room in such a way that one is in front of the other.

After this, he calls the three patients and asks them to seat down. The first two gladly sit on the wet chairs at the front. However, the third who comes in last takes one look at the wet chair and then proceeds to the corner of the room where there is a pile of papers. He takes one sheet which he drapes on the wet chair before sitting.

Surprised by the action of the third, the doctor asks him why he draped the sheet of paper on the wet chair.

“That's easy," came the reply, "seeing that I am seated at the back, I needed to be a bit raised if I wanted to see what's happening at the front."

3 votes

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posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
$5.00 won 4 votes

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics. “How much do you weigh?” she asked.

“135,” I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, “Your height?”

“5 foot 4,” I said.

The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5 foot 2 inches. She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

“Of course it’s high!” I screamed. “When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I’m short and fat!”

4 votes

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Joke Won 10th Place won $5.00
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |