doctor jokes

A prominent surgeon, who was a member of operating teams at both St. Francis Hospital and Christ Hospital in the Chicago area, would operate in the morning and then field calls about his patients in the evening.

One night, a few dinner guests were quite surprised as the good doctor was on the phone talking to a resident at Christ Hospital, when the other phone rang. His wife answered and whispered to her husband, "It's St. Francis calling."

He whispered back, "Tell St. Francis I'll have to call back. I'm talking to Christ."

A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her on the cheek.

The wife calmed down and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"

The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish!"

A man comes to his doctors office all battered and bruised. The doctor sees him and asks him how he got injured.

The man said there was a knock at his front door. When he opened the door there stood a six foot cockroach. He said he tried to shut the door real quick but before he could react the cockroach knocked him back against the far wall. He said the cockroach threw him around from wall to wall, punched and kicked him and then just turned and left.

The doctor said, "This is the flu season. I've been trying to contact all my patients and let them know there's a real nasty bug going around this year."