doctor jokes

Category: "Doctor Jokes"
10 votes

"Oh doctor, something is the matter with me, but I don't know what. I feel terrible, but I don't know how. And I have the most awful pain, but I don't know where."

The doctor replied, "Well, I will prescribe something for you, but I don't know what. You will use it for three days, but I don't know how. It will cure you, but I don't know when."

10 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "Benjones" |
2 votes

Patient: Lately I’ve had the feeling that everyone wants to take advantage of me.

Doctor: That’s nonsense.

Patient: Really? Thank you very much, doctor. I feel so much better now. How much do I owe you?

Doctor: How much have you got?

2 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "iqannnylirod" |
$9.00 won 7 votes

A man went to his doctor complaining about terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and dizzy spells. The doctor examined him and said, “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. You have only six months to live.”

The doomed man decided he would spend his remaining time on earth enjoying himself. He told his boss what he thought of him and quit his job. Then he took all his money out of the bank and bought a sports coat, 10 new suits, and 15 pairs of new shoes.

Then he went to get himself a dozen tailored shirts. He went to the finest shirt shop he could find. The tailor measured and wrote down 16 neck.

“Wait a moment,” the man interrupted. “I always wear a size 14 neck, and that’s what I want.”

“I’ll be glad to do it for you, sir,” the tailor replied. However, if you wear a size 14 neck your going to get terrible neck pains, throbbing headaches and dizzy spells.”

7 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
Joke Won 6th Place won $9.00
posted by "iqannnylirod" |
4 votes

I called the pharmacist to get a prescription refill. After leaving a message on their answering machine they called me back.

The nice young lady from the pharmacy explained they needed the prescription number off the pill container because they didn't understand the medication dosage I'd described.

She looked it up and said she'd found the problem. It was 20MG Tabs and not 2 OMG tablets.

4 votes

CATEGORY Doctor Jokes
posted by "Marty" |