misc jokes
Favorite this joke Two years ago a man and woman had just won the lottery. He was at work when the lottery office phoned their home to inform them of the win. His wife was very worried because the man had just recovered from a heart attack and she wondered what would happen if he found out about it too abruptly.
So, she called the pastor and asked if he could talk to the man and slowly lead into telling him the news. He agreed and said he would be there as soon as possible. When the man got home the pastor asked if they could go for a walk. While they were walking the pastor began by asking, "What would you do if you won the lottery?"
The man replied, "Why, I'd give it all to the church."
The pastor dropped dead on the spot.
Ralph was towing his boat home from a fishing trip in Jamaica Bay when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday."
A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location."
"I-95, two miles south of Cranston."
After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with.
But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it.
Ask not what staying home on the couch can do for you...
But what staying home on the couch can do for your country!
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