misc jokes
Favorite this joke The aquarium shop where I work has been in business for more than 20 years. One Sunday a customer called wanting to buy a larger aquarium. "And by the way, I’ve spent a lot of money at your store over the years," he said. "I think I should get a discount."
"Only our owner can give a discount," I explained, "and he won’t be in until tomorrow."
When the customer said that he’d come in the next day, I asked him if there was anything else I could help him with.
"Sure," he said. "Where is your store located?"
My friend is notorious for waiting until the needle is on empty before filling his gas tank. Finally his car died on him, and we had to push it to the nearest filling station. After my friend finished pumping gas, the attendant asked if he had learned anything.
“Yeah,” my friend muttered, “I learned I have a 15-gallon tank.”
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he whispered, "I forgot my teeth."
The man replied, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
The speaker tried them. "Too loose."
"I have another pair...try these."
The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
The man was not taken aback at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth...try them." The speaker tried them and happily replied, "They fit perfectly."
With that the speaker ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, he went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."
The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm the local undertaker."
One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?"
"No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you," the woman said.
"That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
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