misc jokes

What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

The other day I got carded at the liquor store. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out.

The clerk shook his head and said, “Never mind,” and rang me up.

Harold: Jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge is not dangerous.

Morris: How can you say that?

Harold: It’s s fact. Jumping off is not dangerous—it’s the sudden stop at the end that is.

As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks.

Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block. All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly.

They glared at us with looks of disgust.

Suddenly, we realized why... we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them.