One morning the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. in Jeff's house. He picked up the phone and a woman asked, "Is this 555-1111?"
"No, this is 555-1112." Jeff replied.
"Oh, I'm so sorry for disturbing you," the woman said.
"That's alright," Jeff said. "I had to get up to answer the phone anyway."
My kids are like inmates at a jail...
They eat for free, they claim they are innocent, and they don’t like the warden.
Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs.
My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation.
"I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager.
"Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?"
"Autumn," he replied.
Nearly 100% of all deaths occur on Earth...
That makes it the deadliest planet in the Solar System.