misc jokes

A Mafia Boss finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million dollars. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Marco would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Boss goes to confront Marco about his missing $10 million, he takes his lawyer who knows sign language. The Boss tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Marco, "Where's the money?"

Marco signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about?"

The lawyer tells the Boss, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The Boss pulls out a pistol, puts it to Marco's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Marco, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Marco trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, in the shed at my house.

The Boss asks, "What did he say?"

"Boss, he says you're not man enough to pull the trigger."

A man stepped onto the overnight train and told the conductor, "I need you to wake me up in Philadelphia. I'm a deep sleeper and can be ornery when I get up, but no matter what, I want you to help me make that stop. Here's $100 to make sure."

The conductor agreed. The man fell asleep, and when he awoke he heard the announcement that the train was approaching New York. Furious, he collared the conductor. "I gave you $100 to make sure I got off in Philadelphia, you worthless fool!"

"Wow," another passenger said to his traveling companion. "Is that guy ever mad!"

"Yeah," his companion replied. "But not half as mad as that guy they forced off the train in Philadelphia."

COVID-19 should be renamed “The common core virus”...

Because none of the math is adding up!