police jokes

2 bedbugs were having a discussion. "I just graduated from bedbug private investigator classes. I'm going to start performing clandestine and secret investigations."

"I figured you'd want to be an 'in your face, take no prisoners, out there' kind of police bug?"

"Not really. I do my best work under cover!"

I wasn't planning on going for a run this morning, but those mall security guards came out of nowhere!

A deputy police officer responded to a report of a bar disturbance. The 'disturbance' turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.

Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist, probably better than Houdini."

The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"

Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.

"Are you sure?" the deputy asked.

The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."

"In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."

A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.

The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, "Are you seriously hurt?"

"How should I know?" the man answers, "I'm not a lawyer!"