Best Jokes

Q: What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs?

A: A condescending con descending.

A married couples, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one a wish.

The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and poof -- the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.

Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and poof...

The husband turned 90 years old!

A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?".

"No!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?"

Again the answer was "No!"

"Well", she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

Dolphins are so intelligent that within a few weeks of captivity they can train a man to stand on the edge of their pool and throw to them fish three times a day.