Best Jokes

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."

I was walking through the store, and I kept hearing an annoying kid yelling, “Grandma!"

I was walking past her when he finally found her. He said to her, “Grandma, where were you? You can't just leave me. What if someone kidnapped me?!”

Grandma replied, “I'm sure they'd bring you back pretty soon.”

Scientists have developed a breed of transparent cattle.

Unfortunately, they’re super aggressive.

Steer clear.

During his freshman year, my son Steve couldn't get home for Christmas.

So he sent me a set of inexpensive cuff links and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's all you could afford."