Best Jokes

How many bureaucrats does it take to put in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being done while the other inserts the bulb into the water faucet.

My wife asked me to get her a birthday gift that was black and silver and went from 0 to 200 in six seconds.

I got her a new bathroom scale... that's when the fighting really started.

The circus was in town and Stanislaus and Oleg were the featured act. While Oleg walked across the high wire without a net, Stanislaus would balance on Oleg's shoulders, all the while juggling 5 balls at once. A few minutes before they were to go on, Oleg called for the ringmaster. It seems Oleg had become deathly ill by eating some bad sushi and would have to cancel tonight's performance.

"You'd better tell Stanislaus," Oleg said. Walking into Stanislaus' dressing room, the ringmaster got right to the point. "Stanislaus, I have some bad news. You won't be doing your act tonight."

"Why not?"

"You don't have Oleg to stand on!"

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today.

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.