Best Jokes

How can you tell if your wife is being unfaithful?

You move from Chicago to Seattle and you still have the same mailman.

Salesperson: "This is your lucky day! We have a special offer: Buy one, get one free!"

Customer: "No thanks. I don't need two."

Salesperson: "Then give the free one to a friend!"

Customer: "I don't have any friends."

Salesperson: "Then make one with the free item!"

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... Look, he's Moving!"

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?"

The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, "Another train."