Best Jokes

Question: What do you get when you mix vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia?

Answer: A Phillips' screwdriver.

How can you tell if your wife is being unfaithful?

You move from Chicago to Seattle and you still have the same mailman.

Salesperson: "This is your lucky day! We have a special offer: Buy one, get one free!"

Customer: "No thanks. I don't need two."

Salesperson: "Then give the free one to a friend!"

Customer: "I don't have any friends."

Salesperson: "Then make one with the free item!"

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... Look, he's Moving!"