Best Jokes

Last night, someone actually jumped the fence of the Presidential Palace.

The Security team eventually caught the person.

The tackling officer said, “I'm sorry, but you have to stay here for all four years, Mr. President.”

Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?

It had more cents.

A burglar broke into the home of a good Quaker gentleman.

From upstairs, the Quaker heard the noises below and realized there was an intruder.

He took his hunting rifle to the top of the stairs and announced: "Friend, I mean to do thee no harm, but where thou standest is where I am about to shoot."

If you had purchased $1,000 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have less than $11.00 of the original $1,000.
With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00.

But, if you purchased $1,000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg Plan.