Best Jokes

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

Arriving at the 18th hole where a large pond separated the fairway from the green, the foursome was shocked to see a golfer so furious with his game he threw his bag into the water and stormed off to the parking lot.

As they approached the green they noticed the man returning to the pond, removing his shoes and fishing for his bag. "Wow," one of the men said, "it seems he has recognized the error of his ways."

At that moment the errant golfer found his bag, zipped open the pocket, found his car keys, and then threw the bag back into the water.

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The sanitation manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor.

Now the preacher knew the mayor and was not too eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant and rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me anyway? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?"

The preacher paused and then replied, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always like to notify the next of kin first!"

Patrons at the zoo were astonished to see an old man jump over the bars of the lion's cage. Seemingly oblivious to the danger, he walked among the fierce creatures holding the latest bestselling book in his hands, intently perusing its contents. The spectators were beside themselves.

"What in the world is he doing?" shouted one.

"Is he crazy? He's going to get killed!" yelled another.

"Don't worry about him," replied the man's son. "That's just my dad. He likes to read between the lions."